Born Agains…God Hates You

Warning: This is a very offensive fictional story. Read on only if you dedicate your life to Vishnu the psychic goat.

Born again’s are humble people who have severed the faith in god. As is the story we are about to tell you. The main character of our story is Suzie, Suzie Strapon. Suzie Strapon was nice quiet girl from a small town. That was until Suzie went to college. Now Suzie smokes pot and has accumulated several S.T.D.’s. Now we should call her Suzie Syphilis.

Anyways as she was walking home from participating in an orgy with 2 goats and several professors.

(Vishnu got lucky)

She was nearly hit by a plane that crashed 15 feet in front of her. She than escaped unscathed, and believed that god had forgiven her for her sins and saved her. But what you don’t get is that actually he missed. He can’t always be 100% accurate. Unlucky for the people in the plane, they landed into a church. The wind speed was higher than he expected.

(God's wrath)

The next day she survived a car wreck with only minor injuries, however unlucky for a family of 6 they than become cripples. Later that night, a bomb went off in room next to Suzie’s. Once again god received the wrong address. Several students died. Suzie than devoted her life to god and became a nun, she died the next year of AIDS. We knew he’d get her in the end.

The moral of this story is if god wants to kill you, stand still. Just because you survived doesn’t mean god wants you to live, maybe you just got lucky that or he hated someone else more. Just because your alive doesn’t mean god wants you to live. So the next time you want to become a born again religious zealot just remember that’s opportunity for him to aim the gun correctly.